i want you to stay please hold me out til my breath runs out

I got my shirt in the mail today! I'm so excited.
I was just telling my mother that it should be coming tomorrow, and I open the door, only to find it on my doorstep in its pretty Hollister cardboard box. It's lovely, I like it.

Anyway, I decided I need to do some moral cleaning.
As in, rid myself of bloodsucking bitchy friends who find pleasure in the pain and misery of others. I have no need for them, and they will only hinder my path to happiness.

I try to be a nice person to everyone, and I've always stood by the belief that in order to be unconditionally nice, there is lying involved. Honesty is just not a uniformly nice trait. The truth has its edges, and some of those edges are sharp, perhaps even sharp enough to cut. Somehow, though, my lies might take things too far, digging a hole too deep for me to fill up with simple excuses. I'm determined to stop doing such things, to stop digging holes for myself.

The first thing I must do is to stop caring so much about the things that useless people have to say to me. I do care what others think about me. It's inevitable. It doesn't matter what that person means to me, I do not like being thought of as a bad person. Still, I've lost respect for two people whom I used to be able to consider my best friends, and now I'm surprisingly apathetic towards the whole situation.

I'd like to believe in karma. But I know that in truth, life will give some people all the lemonade, while others will have to make it themselves out of the bits and rinds of lemons they are given. It is that way because that is the way the universe works. On the other hand, I haven't given up hope that perhaps those who have trespassed against the innocent will get what they deserve in one form or another.

I'm not saying I was completely innocent in the issue, I certainly could have done things differently. But I would never use the mistakes of others as an excuse to call someone up to make them cry. I may say I will do it, I may soak the joy of being a bitch out of it, but I would never actually pick up the phone and dial the numbers. It's just too cruel and so cliche.

Either way, it drives me to insanity.