I spent a total of $7.90 on movie rentals in the past two days.
First, there was crazy/beautiful. Recommended by a friend after my request for a "fucking cute" movie, I watched it and I got everything I had asked for. It was adorable. The lighting was a bit crazy, and I hated the fact that Dunst felt it was okay to never wear a bra, but other than that, it was touching. Cliche, maybe a little, Romeo&Juliet-like, yes, but absolutely well done.
Then, last night, I decided to get Bella. I've contemplated watching it more than once, and I must admit the summary is quite persuasive ("...a love story that goes beyond romance... a day in New York City changes three lives forever..."), the tagline is tantalizing ("One person can change your life forever"), and generically speaking, it was pretty similar to crazy/beautiful, only with the added element of pregnancy and carried the undertones of the abortion issue. I'm not a film buff, I really have no idea what I'm saying, but it was beautiful. I really loved it. The way it was filmed was beautiful, the actors' interaction with one another was flawless, and the story was adorable. It was bella.
Other than that, I've been dealing with a plethora of things. First of all, I got my body fat percentage measured, and I'm happy with the results. But I'm having trouble finding the right amount of motivation to keep myself going to the gym. I think there's something wrong if it takes more energy to change the seat height then actually doing the exercise. Next, the Incident still gets brought up, and that makes me a little mad. It's over. It doesn't have to be held against me forever. I don't mind the occasional dig, that's well deserved, but to transform it into some sort of justification of banning me from certain things is just ridiculous. I'm done with defending myself, though, I shouldn't have to so vehemently. It's done.
I sent a secret into PostSecret last week. It wasn't posted. I hung out with Brittany yesterday after the gym, and we spent two hours walking around and talking. She showed me all the spots where she learned how to love, and I told her at each spot that I wished I knew what she was talking about. I wished I could say I understood how she felt. But I don't. I can sympathize and emphasize all I want, but will I truly be able to relate? No. I have never fallen in love. I don't even know if I've come close. I know that my expectations for love are made too high and embedded into them are hopeless romantic ideals that reality cannot possibly provide. I feel numb to love, I feel like I've become hardened by the cute stories of other people that I don't remember how to feel truly touched without feeling a twinge of jealousy, of envy.
My seventh grade English teacher once explained the difference between jealousy and envy. She believed that to be jealous of someone was to be happy for them, whereas to envy another was to wish so much you had what they did, you almost wished to take it away from them. I do not envy the love my friends know. I am jealous of them. But sometimes, I'm afraid I'll start to envy them. I don't want that to happen.
Since I was a little girl, I was obsessed with love. I still am, I'm in love with the idea of love, and I want to feel every aspect of it. I want to feel the raw emotion that separates that kind of love from familial love.
I just watched Blue Lagoon. Brooke Shields has got a whole lotta eyebrow. Christopher Atkins in all his tan and blonde glory, though, hmmm.
There's a scrape on my leg from tire-burn that refuses to scab again. I hope it goes away. There's nothing eventful going on right now. The atmosphere is sunny with a hint of silence that I can't seem to fill. Tabby's picking me up in about ten minutes to go to Babylon village with Brittany. My sister went to the park, and she better be home by then because she doesn't have her key and I do NOT feel like dealing with that. There's a cute boy involved though, so I suppose I can cut her some slack.
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I went and helped with a scavenger hunt project yesterday. It was poignant, I suppose, and certainly an experience. I apparently have adapted Spanish characteristics to my physical appearance.
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