Looking back...

Every year, I look back at the year that is reaching its end and reflect. On the things that happened, the things that could have happened, the if's, and's, but's, maybe's. On the coulda, shoulda, and the woulda. Every year up to this, I'd make a list of all the things that happened. This year was no exception, but after all this time, I've realized that so much happens in a year, the events blur together and embed themselves into the mind, swirling together until you're not sure if the memory had always been there, or if it was a new addition.

This year taught me a lot of things. This year made me realize the pain of losing a close friend, I learned to appreciate that tomorrow is not really guaranteed, and the short time we are given must be spent to the fullest, always, not only under threats and adverse situations. I realized that we are not independent islands, but at the same time, we must learn how to be strong on our own. Whoever forbid we ever need to be, but just in case, it is wise for all to develop self-sufficient ideals. This year, I observed the failures and successes of many relationships around me. I was not in one myself, but I've learned a lot, and there were most definitely experiences that I felt so strongly about, they may as well have happened to me.

I collected another anthology of quotes that will follow me for a while, I met people I don't know how I survived without knowing before, and I realized, finally, that it's not always wise to trust unconditionally. I realized that you may love your friends, but at the end of the day, you must love yourself, too, enough to defend yourself against any criticisms that others may pass against you. I realized that family is a whole other level from friends. Family is the people who will support you no matter what, family are the people who will piss you off in every way you could possibly imagine, but who you will still unreasonably love at the end of it all. Friends, though, are the family we choose. I have become closer to many this year, and I am thankful for every single one.

Every year, I superstitiously associate the New Year with a whole smörgåsbord of "new". However, this year, I've learned that like nail varnish that lingers stubbornly at the corners of your nail, tiny flecks of pigment clinging to your cuticle, the past does not disappear, it merely makes way for the future. A simple, obvious message, perhaps, but one that is hard to fully comprehend and accept.

This coming year, I've no idea what to expect, but I know I will have the people I love behind me, in front of me, all around me, because a new year may stand for new starts, but it also stands for further reinforcement of the old.


Who knows if this will be the year when love finally comes to me, or if I'll suddenly become extremely immersed in my schoolwork (most likely not), but whatever is there, I can't wait.


Here's to another fantastic, wonderful year, more spectacular than the last.