cause i'm the only one you know who's not at home

It's New Year's Eve! Another year has come and gone, bringing with it a whole entire slew of events. So far tonight, my writing ability has been insulted, my weight has been higher than expected and or desired, and I am currently sitting down in my uncle's house, far away from the party.

They don't even champagne.
Oh well.
At least there's some great intoxicating "sparkling apple cider". It is gold medal, after all.

This year, I actually did make a list of resolutions. Whether I intend to keep them or not is another matter entirely. Thanks to the great heaping amount of SAT prep that has been force-fed to my brain, I think of the concept of "resolutions" in a whole new light. For one, I have been considering the actual definition of resolution. The infinitive, to resolve, entertains the idea of committing to something, of a commitment to change.

There are three things I truly hope to change:
1. TRY in school. Reality is catching up too quickly, and everywhere I go I am reminded that college admissions is right around the corner and there is no room for regrets, mistakes, or laziness. My procrastination was bound to have to come to an end at some point, and I suppose today is the best day for it to die.

2. COMPLETE the challenges I give myself, including the NaNoWriMo challenge and also the picture-a-day challenge. I'm definitely hoping to be able to do both this year, finally. The picture-a-day challenge should be simple, unless I run out of memory, and then it will become a drag. We'll see.

3. This third thing is something that I really do not have much control over. I want to fall in love, and not the half-way, unrequited kind, the genuine, drive-me-insane, intense love. I consider it a challenge; I would like to prove that I can maintain my self no matter who I am with--another resolution in itself.



I suppose seeing as there is 4 hours to the closing of yet another year, I should include an overview of the year, supposing that I even remember what happened each month.



January - Kimmi's sweet sixteen... nothing else comes to mind. Height of HDD.

February - Hard time for some, the play; disgusting, and also as mindless as I knew it would be, considering my "role" in the ensemble included a hideous getup of bright colored gauze. Made friends with random people who have since exited our lives, with grace, I suppose.

March - anniversary of Gabby, the beginning of the AP stress. got a tutoring gig, spring track season started, very painful. continued to question my like for

April - Panic time for the APs, spring break, eventful. Too personal to divulge.

May - hideous, stressful, I (sparingly) can not remember all the details of this month and hope that I will not someday have a terrible memory surge... if those are even possible. APs, very hilarious and cult-like considering we had to seal the booklets when done and also "NEVER" discuss the multiple choice questions ever again. BWAH!

June/July/August - busy, worked most of the week. Did nothing significant, really, but was overall a pretty fun summer. All things considered.

September - The beginning of the Crucial 11th Grade. The Year When It All Matters. First quarter began quite pleasantly--very high average, satisfactory everything, co-captain of XC with Taryn, albeit it was the smallest team yet. We did very well, personal bests all across the board. Some particularly dramatic events, once again related to inebriation.

October - My sixteenth birthday! Got the job of my dreams working at the library, met more exciting people, PSATs, hoped for the best, set more records, Halloween that I can't even remember--mazel tov to that. Except, I can remember. Relatively unremarkable.

November - NaNoWriMo came and went, busy with school, second quarter grades started off atrocious. Began to stop caring as much as I did in September. Thanksgiving at Uncle's house, turkey, etc. Fun times.

December - -------------------------------------->revelations. Some more pleasant than others, some easier than others, some more complicated than others, some less than transparent than others...

overall, the year feels as if it blurred past. I suppose it's always like that by the end of December.

Here's to hoping for a great, great year. Full of happiness and love and all that cheesy Hallmark card nonsense. <3.

hearts break and skies fall but what we have left is best of all.

First of all, I'm utterly entranced by Sex on Fire.

on this day of weather so fine,
Your hand is shaking in mine.
the truth of your words goes
straight to the bone--
neither of us knows
how to be alone.
now you're feeding me another line,
but tonight i will not dine.


I've wanted to write a book for quite a while,
but how do you start a novel with chaos?