My procrastination has definitely gotten worse. I decided to do track this spring, and it exhausts me. I have a goal to reach though, and I'm determined to get there. I have people to prove wrong. And I'll do what it takes to do so.
I'm trying to finish reading Please Don't Kill the Freshmen, but it's not working. It's poignantly written, and it's inspirational, but I just can't seem to finish it. I'm on page 229 of the 309 page novel, and I am positive I can finish it by tomorrow, but I keep getting distracted. Tonight is a party for a friend, an extremely belated birthday party.
Speaking of poignant, I read an amazing passage in Peter Cameron's Someday this Pain will be useful to You, and it so perfectly expressed one of my most intricate fears:
"...the randomness of everything. That the people who could be important to you might just pass you by. Or you pass them by. How did you know?...Life is full of these tragic incongruities."
My mom bought bread with raisins in it, and it's not cinnamon raisin bread, so I have to pick out the raisins and the crumbs get everywhere.
So I was talking to a friend, and we were being negative. And it was alright to be negative because sometimes you just need to be. And we were talking about the shallowness that everyone is bound to have because if you didn't care at all you're probably a saint and what are the chances of there being any saints just walking around these days?
I don't like rainy days, it's as if the rain washes away my clarity, at the same time it cleanses the earth. It seems to muddle my thoughts, blurring and blending them into one another until I can't tell one from the other, and I can't tell where one thought begins and another ends, and I'm not quite sure of anything.
Right now all my thoughts are so scattered, and I have so much to do for school, most of which I should probably be doing right this moment. I've got to research censorship for English. I've got to construct some mundane DBQ for history, and I've got to teach myself about the pH of buffers vs. the pH=pKa and whatever the hell else we're supposed to know by now, and all the important everything's that are crucial to passing the test in May. I have to get more sleep and run and do so much. I have to finish reading this book and I have to become more ambitious and focused.
And then I was thinking this morning, out of nowhere, about babies. And I was thinking about the sound they make when you feed them, that weird gurgling-slash-swallowing sound. And for some reason, I had this epiphany thing and it was like I understood why people have children, and then I realized that it was about eight in the morning, and that it was Saturday morning, and that I had absolutely no reason to be awake.
"How long does it take to heat butter?"
"Ten seconds."
